Moments of bliss

I just got back from a retreat and it was total bliss.

I can recall three times when I felt like I feel today (total peacefulness, joy and peace). When I was in high school and we went on a retreat in Santa Rosa de Ocopa convent (up in the highlands of Peru), last year in India, and now, in Pachacamac, Lima.

I can recall my three powerful moments of bliss. The first one, it was a Sunday, the retreat was almost over and I could feel this sort of powerful and happy fever all over me. We were about to be sent home (the retreat was before confirmation, something you ought to do when you go to a catholic school) with our parents, and I was so full of this energy (I did not know what it was exactly, but I remember feeling wonderful about it, like I could actually do it all, change it all, be very happy in life). I went back to my parents arms crying, saying how sorry I was that I misbehaved and promising good behaviour from then onwards :).

The second (powerful) time was last year in India. I remember being all skeptical about God and all that. Spirituality has always been part of my life, but I am a logical person and even when I believe in magic, magic needs to make sense to me, I don’t believe in fairy tales (well, maybe a little, but even fairy tales need to have a logical explanation behind) and even when in 2008, 2009 spirituality had hit me hard (I used to meditate everyday and that was my most prolific times in my spiritual search) and I had experienced the power of meditation, I was having my most logical moment. Back to India, I was three months pregnant and was feeling deep in my heart that I needed this beautiful energy for my baby. I needed to know that as the most misterious journey of my life was beginning, I needed support from the universe, I needed this connection and so it arrived. It was a moment, when they asked us to write a letter to God. I took my pen and in this feverish moment, I put all my hopes, fears and desires into paper and gave it to them (you could feel the energy in the dome where we were). Then we were asked to write the letter God was writing for us, to be (his) instrument. And so… the  moving and transcendental moment happened… it was not me writing that loving letter, it was my hands, but I could swear, those words full of wisdom and love were for me, but I could not have written such beauty.

The third time was today,  we started our journey on Thursday. I was a bit (just a bit) hesitant about how my little one would handle it, but we went and we did well, she was wonderful, quiet, happy and cooperative most of the time. This time I was not looking for anything very specific. I just knew that I needed my power and energy back so I can deal with everyday: work, family and the pressures of living in a big city. As we went on, I kept something in mind… let it happen, don’t even look for it, let it happen. As we went on the journey (meditation, talks, sharing, painting… yes we also did some art and I _of course_ loved it) I could feel the energy building up, but it was in my solitude when it happened… just there, under a tree…

I remained in silence and I could feel it again, this flame that burns everything that is not needed and brings your true being back. I enjoyed it… staying there, knowing that everything was being taken care of for me and that this gift was there for me (and still is I write). I opened my eyes only to see leaves…

(as a nature lover I am, I could not feel happier, tears in my eyes showed as I was having another moment). Then I went for a little walk and as I encoutered a little chapel and a graveyard, I could feel this joy of connectedness with the universe…

Spirituality to me is that… that peace and joy of living my life as it is, just happier, much happier. Have you had moments like these? Feel like sharing? Or am I the only one who happens to experience these “crazy-out of the world moments”? :)

PS. Click on the images